How to find a life partner can be one of the most important decisions you can make. A strong, supportive partner can help you reach your goals and make the journey of life much more enjoyable.
What role does a life-partner plays in your success?
There have been several top founders whose stories of success have a substantial element of their partner’s support. Jeff Bezos’ story is one such example.
I have personally seen my life evolve into better decisions after I found the partner who stands like a mountain of support to my decisions. Apart from support, a wonderful partner can be your friend, philosopher, and guide – your well wishing critic and a devil’s advocate to your decisions ! The quality of your decisions can change substantially if you have a great partner.
And the reverse also applies. I have seen my some of my acquaintances succumb under their partner’s pressure and take wrong decisions leading to overall emotional and financial turmoil.
Finding a great life partner can be a make or break for your success and happiness goals.
But how do you know who the right person is for you?
10 Tips for choosing the right life partner for success
Here are 10 tips on how to find a right life partner for success in love and in life:
1. Know Yourself:
It’s important to be familiar with your own values, interests, and goals before starting your search for a life partner. Knowing yourself will help you understand what you’re looking for and make sure you’re both on the same page.
Being self-aware can be immensely helpful for success in all domains – love, career, family. Invest sufficient time in introspecting and observing your own expectations.
2. Define your Expectations:
It’s important to be clear about what you want out of a relationship. It’s important to have realistic expectations about the type of relationship you want to be in and what kind of relationship you want to create.
Define your framework of what you expect from a partner. A framework can be as simple as the following list:
Sample framework for choosing a life partner
- Is Humanitarian
- Is Honest
- Is Vegetarian (or Non-vegetarian)
- Wants to live in the cities where I want to live
- Career goals align with me
- Is a dreamer
- Is extrovert or introvert etc
For me, being Honest and Trustworthy, and aligning to my basic values contributed to 90% of my decision criteria. For her, being Trustworthy and being vegetarian was a major criteria.
Whatever be your framework, you must define it in your mind, and at the cost of looking funny, on paper if you can.
3. Spend Time to Meet and Understand People:
Take the time to get to know potential partners. Spend time talking to them, doing activities together, and getting to know each other’s personalities.
Successful alignment takes time, and you need to evaluate each other on all the parameters of your framework. So, do not affirm, or expect an affirmative response in just one meeting. You need to remove the barriers of doubts before you can trust each other.
For us, it was 5 meetings before we decided to go ahead, and a year long commitment to each other before we got married. It was sufficient time to get to know each other in every aspect. If you don’t have time, I would still say you must spend around 2-3 months knowing each other before you commit.
4.Align Basic Value Systems:
Most issues crop up from misalignment for basic values. Therefore, it’s important to share similar values and beliefs with your partner. This will create a strong foundation for the relationship.
There can’t be a single advice on how to do this. It depends on what you consider as most important.
But when you are unsure about what your basic values are, pick up your 1st class moral science textbook. That would be a great guide on where to start. ( For me it works every time I feel confused in life.)
Generally speaking, one should not make beauty, and financial status a major criteria. These are material pleasures that are temporary in nature. For strong and successful decisions in love life, you need to align your values, and goals.
When my wife chose me, I was an entrepreneur with almost a zero bank account. She chose me because she liked people who have dreams, and were focussed and hardworking. Together we made the right decisions helping each other for the next 2-3 years and completely turned around our financial condition.
5. Consider Plans and Goals for Alignment:
You and your partner should both have an idea of where you’d like to see yourselves in the future. This will help keep the relationship on the same page and help the two of you work together to reach your goals.
Both partners having career ambitions and goals fills life with a lot of energy. It results in a wide range of discussions at home and makes life exciting.
6. Look for Red Flags:
Pay attention to any red flags that might arise throughout the course of your relationship. If something doesn’t feel quite right, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate the situation.
Discuss with an open mind when you see a red flag. Then have the guts to say no when you think it can be a relationship breaker. Avoiding red flags due to lack of courage is the worst thing that you can do to your relationship.
You may have to face some pain right now, but it is better than making life painful for both of you.
When I was looking for a potential partner, I met some girls whose values had a substantial difference from mine. During an honest discussion, they accepted it and said that they wanted to say the same but could not gather the courage. In one case, I had to take the blame and responsibility of the choice on myself, but I knew what I was doing was for the best of both of us.
Like I said – it is okay to go through a temporary pain and confrontation than to make it a part of your daily life.
7. Be Completely Open and Honest:
Communication is key in any relationship. Make sure to be completely open and honest with one another and listen to each other’s concerns.
I followed this criterion more than any other in my list. In my opinion, the best relations are built on strong trust – and honesty is the bedrock of trust.
8. Do Not Expect Perfection:
This is an important one. Irrespective of how much you match your framework, there will always be times when you will doubt your decision. This happens when you try to align and match every part of your list.
Remember that every list has some non-negotiables, and some flexible components. You must be able to move your flexible components in order to allow others enter your life.
No one is perfect and it’s important to remember that. Don’t expect perfection from your partner — accept them for who they are and be understanding and patient with them.
9. Trust your Gut:
If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. Your instincts will usually tell you if something is off and it’s important to listen to those instincts.
On the other hand, if every time you meet the person, you feel a strong sense of joy, protection, and happiness, you know what to do!
10. Enjoy the Journey:
Choosing the right life partner is a journey filled with ups and downs. But it’s important to take the time to appreciate the good times and learn from the bad.
Don’t forget to enjoy the journey. Every person you meet will teach you something whether or not you chose to go ahead.
Choosing the right life partner can be a difficult task, but following these 10 tips can help you find someone who is the perfect fit for you. With a strong, supportive partner, you can reach your goals and make the journey of life much more enjoyable.
